laurushka.org/blog

Alright, Saturday morning, and I’m still okay. Of course, I’ve cried a little, but nothing like when I felt paralyzed for three days after finding out about our first miscarriage in 2005.

I talked to the midwife about one thing that bothers me… if it stopped growing before 6 weeks, why in the world would I have serious symptoms past what was supposed to be the 8 week point? It makes me feel like it’s in my head– but I’m not normally a nauseous person (unless I have a migraine) so I don’t know how or why my head would try to trick me into thinking I was nauseous for a week. She explained (although I will confess I don’t know if I understand) that in the beginning, hormones are driven by your ovaries. And then at some point, the placenta takes over, so if the placenta isn’t growing, then the symptoms disappear. Which is what happened when I woke up Thursday morning… I just didn’t feel nauseous at all, after over a week of it. And after I spotted Thursday night, I realized my breasts were not as sore– and they had been on Wednesday. Weird how quickly that changed.

I’m still annoyed with my body. I haven’t spotted again, so who knows how long I’ll have to wait for this miscarriage to happen and be over with it. Am I supposed to sit around waiting for it to happen? I have two job interviews next week and I’m planning to visit Reading. The full moon is March 30– Tuesday. Maybe that will kick-start my body.

I still feel like I don’t want to try again. I don’t know though. We’re getting old and the chances of trouble are higher. I feel like we were so lucky with Lilia. I still need to find a job. Our house is so small. Of course, I could be pregnant and all those things would be true, but we’d just work through that, just like we worked through all the worries we had when I was pregnant with Lilia. I was hoping to have a baby before she turned 5, but the chances of that happening at this point are almost zero. Our basement is filled with boxes of clothes and baby things that I’ve been saving, just in case. I guess I’ll keep saving it.

On March 8, 2010, Lilia started a pre-k program at our local public school. Click on the picture to see the album.

Sorry for bombarding you with posts. Besides the 50 old journal entries I added to this blog, I have posted four separate entries today. My goodness.
I guess if you’re bored, you can spend some time reading. If you do read, leave a comment. Or if you’re really bored, you can play Sudoku on your iPod Touch. Which is what I’m about to do.

Well, since it’s Friday, and I posted a picture of the World’s Best Chocolate Birthday Cake, I might as well post the recipe. I asked for suggestions on facebook, and I ended up trying the one my friend Becky suggested: HERSHEY’S “PERFECTLY CHOCOLATE” Chocolate Cake. I am sure glad I tried it!

Ingredients:
* 2 cups sugar
* 1-3/4 cups all-purpose flour
* 3/4 cup HERSHEY’S Cocoa
* 1-1/2 teaspoons baking powder
* 1-1/2 teaspoons baking soda
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 2 eggs
* 1 cup milk
* 1/2 cup vegetable oil
* 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
* 1 cup boiling water
* “PERFECTLY CHOCOLATE” CHOCOLATE FROSTING(recipe follows)
Directions:
1. Heat oven to 350°F. Grease and flour two 9-inch round baking pans.

2. Stir together sugar, flour, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda and salt in large bowl. Add eggs, milk, oil and vanilla; beat on medium speed of mixer 2 minutes. Stir in boiling water (batter will be thin). Pour batter into prepared pans.

3. Bake 30 to 35 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes; remove from pans to wire racks. Cool completely. Frost with “PERFECTLY CHOCOLATE” CHOCOLATE FROSTING. 10 to 12 servings.

“PERFECTLY CHOCOLATE” CHOCOLATE FROSTING

1/2 cup (1 stick) butter or margarine
2/3 cup HERSHEY’S Cocoa
3 cups powdered sugar
1/3 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Melt butter. Stir in cocoa. Alternately add powdered sugar and milk, beating to spreading consistency. Add small amount additional milk, if needed. Stir in vanilla. About 2 cups frosting.

– I didn’t change a thing, except I had an unopened can of Ghirardelli cocoa and I used that instead of Hershey’s. I hope Hershey doesn’t mind.

I really wish there were a birthday coming up for me to make this again… Maybe I’ll just make it this weekend just because. It could cheer me up.

Well, it’s happened again. I was supposed to be 8 and a half weeks pregnant, but I went to the local hospital today to have an ultrasound, and received confirmation of what I was pretty sure of…there was just a sac that stopped growing over 3 weeks ago. Of course, I had the pleasure of suffering nausea and other pregnancy symptoms all that time– the symptoms stopped yesterday morning, which was my first clue. Second clue– spotting last night.

I hate having to wait for it to actually happen. Two factors, one minor, one major, are making me handle this much better than our first miscarriage. The minor factor is the fact that I already know how common miscarriage is and how many people have been through it. The major factor is five letters long… starts with an L and ends with an A:

We hadn’t told a soul about the pregnancy– because with our first, we blabbed about it and felt like that’s why we had the miscarriage. When I was pregnant with Lilia, we waited till we had “proof of life” (more than once), and didn’t announce till near the end of the first trimester. I am not a private person– I can post about the miscarriage on my blog. We just didn’t want to jinx it. Now there is nothing to jinx.

I was feeling nostalgic recently, and started entering some of my entries from my other online journal into this journal. Those entries can be found here. Coincidentally, they include entries about my previous miscarriage.

As for how I’m feeling about trying this again. Eh. Maybe after it’s over, I’ll have a different opinion, but right now I’m thinking that Three is a Magic Number. Please click that and watch it– I tried to embed it, but it didn’t show up.

A man and a woman had a little baby
Yeah they did
And there were three in the family
And that’s a magic number

Click the most delicious chocolate cake in the world for my February favorites over on Facebook!