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No reply from “too late” lady yet. I called J. She was surprised about the “too late” response, and will check into it for me. I found out today that J has been doing the job of two people for the last two years, so that could explain why it took my 8 weeks to get my pay increase last year.

I am only at one discipline. This is the “counseling” stage. Counseling– Ha!
It goes on to Verbal Warning, Written Warning, Final Warning, and Termination after that. If I stay, I probably won’t have that many in three months. J said that I should be at more disciplines, but since my department head didn’t report me earlier, it works in my favor.

But of course, it is my department head’s responsibility to talk to J and tell her that I’m out 3 days in a row. Which she should have done on February 25. So, it boils down to it’s my boss’s fault I have to deal with this mess. And that makes me not want to deal with it. It sounds like I’m not going to have much trouble with the discipline thing, although I have to have a follow up appointment in 2 weeks, and I haven’t even scheduled it because yet, because I’ll never be able to go. I feel like giving my notice now. I just have to make sure I’ll have health insurance till April 30, so I can get my teeth cleaned, and everything else while I have some time off…

March 21, 2005
xxx
Head, x Libraries
xxx University
xxx
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania xxx

Dear Ms. xxx:

Due to recent circumstances, I have decided to resign my position as
Bibliographic Assistant with xxx University in two weeks. My last
day will be Friday, April 1, 2005.

Thank you.

Laura xxx

She opened the letter while I was on the phone with “Too Late” Lady’s supervisor, who called me out of the blue– I asked for her name and contact info, not for her to just call me. I was about to just get her name and hang up on her, since she had that PHILLY ATTY-TOOD that those office ladies get, uh huh. But she says “Well, I already know all about your situation”– well, then why was she making me tell her what happened. My student worker had just come in, I wasn’t expecting her call. Blah blah blah. So, they say I can fill out the FMLA paperwork and get my doctor to agree, maybe I won’t get the discipline. She questioned why was I out for three days, then back and then out again, and then back, and then out. I didn’t like the way she was questioning me. I probably won’t do the paperwork, it’s a lot of hassle.
Anyway, I’m all red and blotchy. Damn this cursed complexion of mine. Why do I get so red when I cry? Ugh. And why do I have to cry over this job?

I talked to you Friday about applying for Leave for days that I was out because of a miscarriage. These days were February 23, 24, 25 and March 4, 7, 8, and March 11. You said that I was ineligible because it was “Too Late”. I cannot understand how this can be “Too Late”–I do not have anywhere in writing what Temple’s policies are about this.

I had a miscarriage and needed to have surgery. I told my supervisor about this while it was happening. My supervisor didn’t turn in my time sheets from these weeks until Monday or Tuesday, March 14th or 15th, and wasn’t informed about the docking until Tuesday the 15th. Immediately I set up an appointment to talk with J, the personnel contact at the library. She couldn’t meet until Friday, and that’s when she suggested I contact you. I contacted you immediately and now I hear it is “too late” for leave.

I am going to be disciplined for having a miscarriage. After you told me it was “too late” I ended up crying at my desk. Think about how awful it sounds that Temple University will be disciplining a woman for having a miscarriage and missing work. I would like to speak to your supervisor about this. Please send me her/his name and contact info.

I think I’m going to give my notice next week. I might change my mind. I keep going back and forth on this. But things keep making it more clear that I really should leave, besides the old complaints of cockroaches, and phlegm swallowing bosses, and not being able to make decisions (hey, that was only supposed to be the first year, so maybe if I stay till April 5, I’ll be able to decide something!) (of course, I run the busiest branch library on campus, so I HAVE TO MAKE DECISIONS ALL THE TIME, I just can’t tell HER if the decision is not what she would do..) Okay, that’s not the point.

For a reason that makes no sense at all to me, my union is a Health Care Workers union. Before starting my job, I was giving a summary about benefits and policies, but I was not given a union contract until I already accepted the job. At my interview, my library personnel person (let’s call her J) went over this summary sheet, and talked about absences… we get 10 days, but at the 8th occurrence, we get docked, and then there were some other rules I didn’t pay attention to, because why would I be out for 8 whole days? It turns out these rules exist because Hospitals are places where lives might be lost if their employees are out sick. Libraries, however, are not life and death. The Administration and the Librarians get tons of vacation time, and my boss has stayed home sick twice as much as me, I’m sure. But, for some reason, the library staff got lumped in with this Health Care Workers Union.

At orientation, we had a half-hour lunch where my union rep sat at my table and raved about the green beans (which were foul) and told us to take their benefits because Temple just wanted to weaken the union by offering other benefits. Now, I don’t hate unions, they have their place in this world, but I was not altruistically going to pick an HMO over Personal Choice. I agreed to join the union, but I took Temple’s health benefits.

Before getting pregnant, I looked into maternity benefits at Temple. I couldn’t really tell what they offered. After finding out I was pregnant, I figured I better know exactly what was offered, so I emailed back and forth with a union representative and with Temple HR. I learned that because I chose Temple benefits, the only maternity leave I was eligible for was under the FMLA, which meant that I could use up my sick time, and then I would not get paid, but I wouldn’t get fired for x number of months. If I had chosen the HMO through the Union, I would have been eligible for 10 weeks at 2/3 pay. But because I didn’t chose it, I had no benefits. I pay almost $50 a month in union dues… I asked them what that was for, but did not get an answer, I got a reply in ALL CAPS :

REMEMBER, WITH ANY EMPLOYER THEY DO NOT WANT UNION’S THEIR!!!!!!! MY MOTHER
HAD TOLD ME THAT BACK IN THE 40′S IT WAS THE SAME. NO UNION IS WELCOMED.
THEY WANT EMPLOYEE’S TO HAVE THEIR BENEFITS, WITH NO LEG TO STAND ON IF
THERE IS A PROBLEM. (copied directly)

What do I care about her mother and the 40s??? I just wanted to know what my $50 goes to! I found out I can’t switch insurance either– they have open enrollment every 2 years, and that’s not till October, and probably takes effect in December. Plus, I don’t know if it was worth it to switch– Personal Choice is so nice… I assumed I’d work till September/October and then just quit. I hated the job anyway.

But then, I found out that the pregnancy stopped growing. I was out for three days– sick. Prior to this, I had used 2 other full sick days, and then several hours here and there for doctor’s appointments. I went back to work, waiting for the miscarriage. You guys know this, you were there. When it didn’t start, I had a doctor’s appointment that took almost all day, because they scheduled me for surgery, and I had to do all sorts of admissions testing and paperwork. Then the surgery happened and I stayed home 2 days for that. I went back to work Wednesday, but Friday, I had that bleeding and stayed home again.

This Monday, my boss tells me she never turned in the time sheet ending February 25. Well, that’s the first week I was out 3 days. She sends it over, and we find out that with those 3 days, and the other random hours and the couple days I had before, I was at my 8th occurrence, and I was going to get docked. That wasn’t a surprise. What was a surprise was that I was going to get docked 4 days– they way I figured it, I had only used up 13 hours more than I had, but I found the whole thing confusing. I asked to meet with J on Wednesday, but she was too busy doing payroll, she couldn’t meet till today. I looked at all my paperwork, and finally figured out what the policy was. It’s too convoluted to get into, but I was still pretty sure 4 days was probably too much to be docked. So, I spoke to J today and she explained that in addition to getting docked for 3 days (4 was wrong), I was going to be DISCIPLINED! Each of the occurrences I’m docked for, I think I get a discipline notice! I am not quite sure of the details, but these notices add up, and can equal termination! Which is fine with me if I could get unemployment, but I don’t think that happens when you are fired, right? Only when you are laid off? I told her that I had a miscarriage. Immediately, she told me that I should check with HR and find out if I can have the time marked as “leave” instead of sick– this way, I won’t get Disciplined. I called them, and waited all day for a response. They said Nope, it was too late to ask for Leave. TOO LATE?? It was just last week! If I had asked last week, I probably could have gotten it! So, if my BOSS had turned in the February timesheet when she was F*Ing supposed to, J would have noticed that I was getting docked, and we could have had this conversation BEFORE I was out 4 more days. I can blame it all on my boss.

If I need to use any more sick time before July 1, I will be disciplined. If I get a bad bad cold, I will be disciplined. If I have to go to the doctor to follow up on my surgery, I will be disciplined. These will add up, and I will get fired. If I get pneumonia and am in the hospital, I can get leave as long as I know in advance I’m going to get pneumonia. I won’t get disciplined for that.
I emailed J at 4 Pm today (because she was gone already when I called) and asked her to see if she can lobby for me about the leave. I’m sure she can’t. This is the same woman who couldn’t get my pay fixed for 8 weeks last summer. I also asked for details on this discipline– exactly how many will I have now, and how many does it take to get fired. I even asked her if I do get fired because I get a cold and miss work, am I eligible for unemployment. I don’t expect all this to get answered. For one thing, she doesn’t read her email.

I think I’m ready to quit. I was going to try to stick it out through summer– my friend and co-worker G who started the same day as me was accepted to Grad school, and we thought it would be funny to quit the same day. I wanted to last through July to get my vacation. And then there was some news I heard about another position that might be better than working with my boss, although it could involve working with an insane man. So, If I lasted, and this thing came up, I could move over there. I don’t think I’m up for waiting for that. I think I should just do it. I can find something temporary. We will have to scrape by for a while, and will probably not be able to afford much of a vacation. But I can get a little break for a while. Today, I didn’t get home till 6:30. That’s 10 and a half hours of my life dedicated to this stupid job. Plus the hours I have stewed about it since coming home.

Ugh. This is one of those entries that’s just too long and no one is going to read.

On Monday, I had the D & E.

I have to say everyone I dealt with at the hospital was extremely nice. I really appreciated that. For the most part, I was emotionally okay, except for right before they knocked me out with the anesthesia: at least three different people asked me how many weeks pregnant was I. Honestly, I had stopped counting. I didn’t know. I realize now that Tuesday would have been 10 weeks. But after the first ultrasound, I stopped reading “Your Pregnancy Week by Week.” It’s here next to my bed, with a bookmark at 7 weeks.

I was in the hospital much longer than they said I would be. They said about 1-2 hours after the 11:30 surgery, I’d be going home. I wasn’t discharged till 5 PM. It took a long time for me to come out of the anesthesia.

On Tuesday, I stayed home and rested. Physically, I’ve been tired, probably partly from this whole ordeal, but mostly from lack of activity. I went back to work Wednesday, and survived okay. Yesterday, things started hitting me. I really hate my job. I was really looking forward to not having to work there after October. Now I’m stuck there. That sounds terrible, doesn’t it? That I’m upset that I’m stuck at my job? Ugh. I had these waves of feeling like a total loser off and on all day. This is of course not just related to the miscarriage. I was telling some story to a friend, and she said “god, when will you ever have something that doesn’t end with you getting screwed over?” I just have had a series of unfortunate things over the years… bad jobs, etc, and this just feels like one too many. This is a weird little rant, isn’t it?

My grandmother called to check up on me on Tuesday. I had told her I was pregnant almost as soon as we found out, but had asked her not to tell anyone else. She had kept her promise, but she wanted to know if I wanted her to tell my mom’s cousin what happened. I said yes. I don’t need to keep this private, and I know that my grandmother needs to talk to her friends about it. But it hit me yesterday, that my mom’s cousin is a big card sender. I get one for every event. And I just imagined getting a card from her, and I started crying while running an errand at work. I haven’t even received a card. I just imagined it. And it got me crying. Ugh.

I planned not to have any more sick days. But this morning as I was getting ready to run out the door, I felt like I had soaked a pad. Which was really weird, since I had had just light spotting since coming home from the hospital. I ran to the bathroom, and there were big globs of blood– one looked like a garden slug, another was even bigger. So, I called my doctor (still waiting for a call back), called off work, and put on my PJs. I’m much better now. It was just 10 minutes of something crazy. Maybe my body knew I didn’t want to go to work. Anyway, I’m home, relaxing with my cats. Feeling alternatively okay and sad.

Hanging out with the cats would be more relaxing if Pinky wasn’t wheezing so much. I keep whacking him lightly to see if he can cough anything up. Poor little guy must do this all the time when nobody’s home.