Apparently, according to a survey, parents are worrying about the wrong things. They worry about:
1. Kidnapping
2. School snipers
3. Terrorists
4. Dangerous strangers
5. Drugs

But they should be worried about:
1. Car accidents
2. Homicide (usually committed by a person who knows the child, not a stranger)
3. Abuse
4. Suicide
5. Drowning

Now, what struck me about this article is that from the beginning of the article, it wasn’t clear what kind of worrying they meant. My parenting worries don’t generally involve bodily harm or death. I have other worries to keep me occupied from things I don’t have control over, like terrorists or school snipers. I came up with my own list of worries, and only two involve bodily harm:

1. Am I causing psychological damage by being a bad parent?
2. Will she be screwed up if she is an only child?
3. Getting hit by a car when she runs into the street because I didn’t teach her to listen to the word Stop or No.
4. Not finding a decent elementary school
5. Serious illness

And about the list of things we parents should be worried about… I had a car seat check just the other week because I was unsure I had reinstalled the car seat properly. I had. And I really don’t know what to say about the rest.

I spent the day checking facebook, having breakfast and lunch with Lilia (but not doing the dishes afterward), doing a little laundry, watching Lilia’s animals give a music concert, helping Lilia figure out how to make a Lego building that won’t wobble and reworking a turkey feather so Lilia could have her very own quill pen.

I actually wrote this post a few weeks ago when I got a pang of guilt about spending so much time at home this summer due to the various illnesses we’ve suffered. But you know what? That’s not a bad list of things to do in a day. It’s not super mom quality, but it’s alright. The dishes eventually got done too.

The rest of the summer, I’m not sure what we’ll do. We still have a membership to the Please Touch Museum, for too hot or rainy days. Last year, when I used a trip to Sesame Place as potty-training bribery, I ended up buying us all memberships, because they had a deal that got us in last year and all of this year too. I bought the memberships before we had ever been there, and when we got there, I realized I don’t love it. I don’t know if I really even like it. But we only went the one time last year, and Lilia did like it. They have a lot of water activities… which would mean I’d have to wear my bathing suit in public. Even if we only go once or twice, the price was still worth it. Maybe we’ll check that out on a weekday after school is over, and if we like it enough, we could go weekly.

And then I’m thinking that we should go explore Philadelphia. Since I started working every other weekend, Joe and Lilia have been exploring and having grand adventures. I need to have some grand adventures with her in center city while he is at work. She’s four, she doesn’t need the stroller, I don’t need to carry a diaper bag anymore… we’ll pack a lunch, take the train, and explore. I have a feeling it won’t be as easy as that.

We pulled out the camping mats while cleaning the other day… and Lilia first created an animal slide with one, and then turned it into a jumper’s paradise. She’d fling herself off the couch and jump… Thump onto the mat. I kept thinking… if something bad happens, will this make us bad parents? Even if something bad doesn’t happen… does this make us bad parents? Just last week, she stood on top of the toilet seat to brush her teeth… I thought, that’s not really safe, but I didn’t stop her… and boom, down she went, hitting the tub. And before that, while I was rushing around getting ready to go to an appointment, Lilia sat down with her craft scissors (at least they were kids’ craft scissors), and snipped her stuffed animals’ fur. Wait, is this okay to admit on my blog? I promise, she won’t do it again.

I clicked the link, but it didn’t tell me why Lilia decided to leave my side in a parking lot yesterday and take off behind 7 parked (thank goodness they weren’t backing up) cars, ignoring my pleas to stop, and dart into the road.

I am usually pretty cool in emergency situations, but I had the folded stroller in my hand and a couple bags, so as I ran, I ended up tripping and falling on the pavement while a woman, who is my mystery, unnamed hero, ran from the other side of the parking lot and scooped Lilia up before any harm came to her.

I thought Lilia knew to stay out of the street, to stay by our side, and to always hold my hand when crossing the street, because that is what she has always done. In fact, I thought maybe there was something wrong with her for not displaying what I thought was the typical “toddler dart”. Maybe she was lazy, or maybe I scared her into submission? It turns out she just hadn’t thought of it yet.

Luckily we were near Target. I hobbled* in and bought a leash. Until I’m sure the message has gotten through to her growing brain, the girl is in lock-down.

*My boo-boos on my left hand, right elbow and right knee will serve as reminders to keep her in lock down for at least the next month. At least my expensive no-line bifocals didn’t break when they flew off my face.

What kind of mom are you? (You know, are you a disciplinarian? are you the fun mom? etc, and probably the true intention of the sentence)

or

What kind of mom are you? (You know, ACCUSATORY! This might as well say, What kind of monster are you?!)

Or maybe that’s just me. Maybe I’m feeling touchy about my “maternal competence” since we let my dairy-sensitive daughter eat pine nuts… and then watched her suffer for 2 days with hives.

What I want to know is, what does it matter what kind of mom you are? Why do we need labels? And why does iVillage care?

The only thing good about this email was that it reminded me to unsubscribe to future emails.

My mother, who was my best friend in many ways, died at age 49 in 1992 . I had finished one year of college before I withdrew to care for her, and that event (caring for her till her death) has shaped my life more than anything.
I always thought I shouldn’t have any children since I wouldn’t have her support, but over the years, I slowly started to change my mind. I have an amazing husband, and we finally decided to take the plunge into parenthood. Our first attempt was a missed miscarriage, and made me want my mommy more than anything. But, we were lucky and our second attempt was successful, and I have my beautiful 5 month old daughter. I am sure that becoming a mother now will be the second event that will shape my life more than anything. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier (even though as I’m typing, I’m a little teary!).

I still, 14 years later, wish I could talk to her everyday. Right now I’d like to ask her things about her 3 babies… did we teeth early? Was I breastfed? How did she manage to work when my brother and sister were little, and how did she manage to stay home when I was born? I wish I had that insight, but I have long ago gotten over feeling too sorry for myself– I have too many friends who have living mothers who don’t give them that kind of insight, or support, and I decided I am thankful that I had MY mother even if she died too young. Of course, I have sainted my mom… ask my older sister about her, and you’ll get a completely different story.

Well, that was a long intro! Take care, everyone!

Monday was a big day…
Lili’s appointment
Lili had her one month appointment at 8:45, and I was able to get an appointment with the midwives.
We got Lili all dressed up in her coat of many colors that aunt squirrella made for her, and her baby bagel outfit, and we planned on a photo shoot, but as soon as we go to the pediatrician, there was a diaper accident. So, she ended up in her spare outfit, which didn’t match the coat of many colors (vertical stripes vs. horizontal stripes), so we scratched the photo shoot.
Lili is almost 10 pounds! I think it was 9 pound 14. 9 ounces or something like that!
She’s doing great, but we do have to have an MRI done on her spine. :-(
There’s a widening of something and it shouldn’t widen, and if they do the MRI they can see if there is something there that is making it widen, or if it is just nothing to worry about. I haven’t made that appointment yet.

My appointment
At my appointment, I found out that everything I’ve been feeling is normal. I had two fears about going– one, that I would be infected and have to deal with all that; and two, that I would be normal, and made to feel like a baby.
Luckily, they did not make me feel like a wimp. They said everything is healing fine, but 1. I could have low estrogen from breastfeeding, which could make me sore, so I have a cream to use; 2. I could be allergic to whatever they used for stitches and 3. the worse pain is muscular, so I need to do kegels kegels kegels.
They predict I will fee LOTS better in 2 weeks. Today, I felt better, but of course I did stuff (actually did some dishes!) and now I’m real sore again. I found out that it is A-okay to keep taking ibuprofen and/or tylenol, so I will just keep taking it till I feel better.
I’m worried about the muscle issues… my poor momma had all of her organs falling out… bladder, uterus, ugh. Anyway, I am kegeling, and still laying down as much as possible.

800 miles!
In less than 4 weeks, Joe’s grandmother is turning NINETY years old!!! Her birthday celebration is in Georgia. We want to go. Is that crazy? Will I be feeling better by then? Even if I was feeling PERFECT, could we handle an 800 mile drive with a 2 month old???
I’m going to hold off on deciding. Heck, we could probably wait 3 weeks before we have to decide… As you know, I HATE traveling. When I say I want to go, I don’t mean I’m want to travel, I mean I want to see the family… anyway, any advice anyone has on that matter would be appreciated.

peekaboo
Oh, Sunday, we checked out slings. I decided I’m too idiotic for the Moby. I ended up getting this slightly expensive pouch called the Peekaboo Pouch. She likes it only when she is sleeping right now, because she can’t have her head out of it. I like it because it’s foolproof. Joe tried it too, and he looked SO CUTE holding her in it. I wish I had brought my camera!! Well, we’ll have other opportunities to take pictures of him and Lili and the Peekaboo.

book recommendation
I re-read parts of Having Faith today. I cannot recommend this book enough… she is such a great writer. I am so happy that breastfeeding is going well for us. I think it will be a lot easier once I can sit and move around more comfortably.

co-sleeping
For those of you that “co-sleep”: how do you do it safely? I nurse her in bed, and we end up crashing out… I move pillows out of the way, and make sure the blanket isn’t up too high, but is that safe??? She’s such a good baby, it’s not too hard to get her to sleep in her “bassinet” (we have the graco travel lite crib… it’s like a small pack and play, and we have it at the end of our bed), but it’s just easier to have her stay in bed after she wakes up for a feeding…

Well, I guess my journal is turning into all-lili all the time… hope that is okay with you guys… Daddy’s home now, so I’ll sign off.